Judgment (part 2)

Being human, we want to qualify things as being "good" or "bad" in regard to our experience.  As we grew up, the adults in our lives let us know that certain behaviors met with their disapproval.  These kinds of situational judgments, when given with clear reasoning as to why the behavior (not the person) is undesirable, can be learned from and can benefit us.  But, chances are this wasn't the case and we internalized those comments which then manifested into who we believed ourselves and our world to be.  Consequently, we may have lived out a life that conformed to what we thought of ourselves.  But what if we took that fictional person we thought we were, and put him or her aside for a minute?  Who are we really?  We have the power to choose who we get to be each and every moment, to stop judging ourselves, and to treat ourselves with compassion, respect and admiration.  What could happen?  We may find ourselves taking a risk or two, and moving forward with a newfound energy.  We may find a new definition for ourselves, based on our actual experience, instead of the stories we have told ourselves our entire lives. 

Judgment

"Who are we to judge?"  "Judge not, lest ye be judged."  The sayings are there, telling us not to judge others.  But what about ourselves?  Where are the tenets that encourage us not to be judgmental of who we are, what we are, what we do, and what we say?  We all do it.  We judge ourselves more than anyone else could possibly judge us.   "That was a stupid thing to say."  "Why did I do that?  That was dumb."  "I'm a fake."  The voice inside us would never talk to our closest friends or even our worst enemies that way.  So why do we talk to ourselves like this?  Part of the reason is simply habit.  Our thought-streams flow in the direction they have always flowed.  Without some amount of mindfulness, it can be difficult or even overwhelming to try to curb the judgments drifting by one-after-one.  The first step is to become aware.  This week, try to note every time you judge yourself, someone else, a situation or a thing.  If it helps, write it down in a notebook.  Within a few days (or maybe even hours!) you will realize the extent of your judging.

Ready to change

Once we have faced our fear of change and have readied ourselves, how do we do it?  One way is to look at the change we wish to activate, and associate it with a value of high emotional importance.  This ties the desire to change with an emotional hook.  For instance, a woman has been told by her doctor that she has to cut back on her salt intake because of high blood pressure.  This starts out as a fear-based goal, because the doctor has told her she has to do it.  However, if she ties that goal (of eating less salt) to having a higher quality of life (which she values) with her partner, the desire and motivation to change becomes a conscious decision, a "want to" instead of a "have to."  When contemplating change, consider thinking about how it can be tied emotionally to an internal value, then design the external action plan to get there!

Fear of change (part 2)

When we fear change, what exactly are we fearing?  We fear the loss of comfort, of the known, of the status quo.  Even if the status quo brings us misery, the prospect of something different can be daunting.  A good exercise to do when faced with the prospect of change is to ask ourselves, "If this happened, what would I do?"  And as the answers come, keep asking, "And then what would I do?"  Over and over keep asking that question until the fear calms down or even goes away.  Often the change doesn't seem as scary or even becomes humorously far-fetched as we realize our fears are not based in reality, but are again stories we tell ourselves to keep us bogged down in non-action.  The only constant in life is change, every moment is a different moment, none will be repeated.  If that is the case, what are we waiting for?

Fear of change (part 1)

We all have fears.  Some are real, some are imagined.  When in danger, our instincts take over, we don't stop to think, what if this or that is going to happen?  Adrenaline kicks in and we react: we fight or we flee. More insidious are the daily fears that are ingrained into our existence.  Fear of success.  Fear of failure.  Fear of being alone.  Fear of losing one's job.  Most of these daily fears can be condensed into one fear:  the fear of change.  When the fear of change dictates the decisions we make, such as staying in a dead-end relationship or job, we languish in a negative cycle of energy that keeps us from exploring new opportunities, living spontaneously, and being present.  When faced with fear of change, we can ask ourselves, "What is happening at this very moment that needs my attention?"  And, "What does 'change' mean to me?"  To be continued...